My Dark Season

I Thought You Might Want to Know

Hi, this is Frank, one of the founders of this website. If you’ve ever read my bio, you might have noticed a Nebuchadnezzar experience that I survived, and you might be wondering what that was. I refer to the ordeal as my Nebuchadnezzar experience for a couple of reasons. One is that I simply can’t think of another term that expresses the depth of the trial. The term comes from Daniel 4:31-34 in the Bible where the Babylonian king was humbled for seven years and then restored, “He was driven away from people and ate grass like cattle . . . At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored.”

Imagine for a moment that you are free falling toward death’s door. Somehow you unwittingly stepped into a dark mine shaft and now you are on your way down, not knowing exactly where the bottom is, but knowing that sooner or later when you hit, it’s going to hurt, probably destroy you! It’s that ominous feeling of despair and the eminence of death.

Is there hope for depression?

Somehow it seems that God has removed his hand and you can’t reconnect even though you are earnestly trying. You can’t sleep at night fearing you might not wake-up alive, yet suicide seems like a viable option compared to what you feel is in your future.

You are paranoid; everyone around you is plotting your demise. You perceive them to be traitors. Fear controls your every move. You can’t focus enough to comprehend a paragraph because you mind is so full of fear.

Jealousy rules all of your personal relationships. You literally can see what hell is like: the never-ending torment, the heat, the unrest. And you envision your loved ones moving on into the future without you . . . not even looking back, your spouse replacing you and so much happier!

All true friendship and love is totally blocked from your view. Despite their words and actions, you look at them from a distance wondering how they got away from you. You are in the very back of the bus of life. You have absolutely no control over anything. You can’t see that all the changes are within.

You become are physically sick, with one thing and then the next, phantom heart attacks, harassing viruses. You are now sickly and gaunt, your back hurts, your neck hurts, your skin hurts. The pain mysteriously moves, fibromyalgia-like symptoms. The doctors can’t find anything wrong and after a long journey with you, conclude you have gone mental and need sedation.

You are crying out for relief daily through pharmacia, prescription drugs, which bring promise to help you get through one more day. They temporarily take the edge off, but it’s only a matter of time. Soon find yourself addicted to them. You take them to stay calm; you take them to get to sleep. But you actually don’t sleep; you’re knocked-out, just sedated with no “REM” sleep. Now you’re really getting worn-out. You’re isolated and doomed!

Death seems to be the only answer. It’s calling to you second by second, minute by minute. Perhaps driving over a cliff or ingesting the extra pills you’ve been secretly collecting. You keep calling 911 on yourself. You cry out earnestly to God . . . not occasionally, but diligently hour after hour, day after day with perpetual prayer, asking, “God, will you deliver me from this hell?  Is there a way out?” But will he hear you? Will he deliver you from your demise? Is he even aware of your situation? More importantly, does he even care? Some call this experience the dark night of the soul.

You scour the bible not wanting to venture into books like “Job” or hear from preachers like Joyce Meyer.  You are feeling condemned, that judgment is meant for you, that there is no way out and hell would be better than suffering the wrath of God. You must have blown it, taken it over the line. Now it’s payback time and there’s no way back to God. Desertion and hopelessness flood your mind and seem to encase your soul.  Family ministers to you constantly, you attend church and prayer meetings, but you can’t shake it. It continually haunts you.

Around people you are an outcast, disturbingly uncomfortable and anxious. Doctors label it social anxiety. You pace like an animal. Others look at each other and ask, “What’s wrong with that man?” You feel like a beast, like Nebuchadnezzar when he grazed in the fields with the animals. The discomfort worsens, like a pressure in your lungs, when you are around good people, Christians, or worship. Your gut aches with that guilt-like feeling . . . the hellish condemnation magnified.

Will God ever answer and deliver you? Could anything good come from this? The BIG question . . .where did this come from and how can you get rid of it? Is it in you, on you, or just has you tangled up? Is it physical, psychological, or spiritual? For me, after 15 months the answers began to unfold, and I was instantaneously and dramatically delivered and re-filled with joy and peace.

Your adversary doesn’t want you to understand his attacks or learn how to overcome them. Unfortunately for him, he left a loose end behind, one focused guy who lived to tell about it.

4 responses on "My Dark Season"

  1. Your pain is my gain. Can we talk?

  2. I had a dream a few years ago that explained a future event that placed me in a deep depression for about two months after it manifested. Shortly after the Lord delivered me and saved me and then I met someone in the church who kept me in a three year on and off depression. God removed me from that relationship too but I stayed in a deep depression for ten more months. In fact, a few months back a demon came into my dream and physically attacked me he said that, ‘he was going to get me and my mother’ and then a few weeks after on my vacation he tried again but I called out to Jesus and he left my bedroom. So all together I guess I have been under great emotionally attack from 2009. ‘Long Before’…but it really intensified in ‘2009’ (the year God delivered me). God freed me from the depression about four weeks ago and He sent a message by a dream to let me know that spiritual food was being prepared for me and that He would talk to me in a personal way. He did a few days later the morning after He freed me from my depression. I can so… relate to how you were feeling. ‘I wonder why we are so prone to attacks by the enemy?’ I know at times I am shown the enemy’s plans by God in dreams. I was a flyer in my dreams as a child as well ‘and I learned to fly very well’. I see horses battling in the sky in dreams etc. and in a past dream, I felt the hate that demons have for me ‘they hide in the dark and they surround you like a pack of wolfs and they really hate you (I could feel them)’. For so long I just wanted to be happy again, this year the pain was so deep and intense that I wished I was never born. However, a month ago the Lord told me that He would give me back all that the enemy have stolen from me and give me double for my sorry and past pain etc.. He has also shown me in a dream that the doors to my past sorrow has been permanently locked. I look forward to God’s promises. ‘It has been a long battle of depression and pain, sorry, and fear’. (but the Lord loves me and He is with me and He still gives me dreams).

  3. Profile photo of Tracie

    I’m ready for help been experiencing this 11 year’s to long

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